August 26, 2012

Users Manual: Part D: My Family Background/History

Part D: My Family Background/History  (This might explain some of my quirks)

·        I'm an older, yet “middle child,” like Lisa Simpson. A classic creative overachiever all through high school and each one of my colleges or universities.

·        My parents weren't terribly communicative and they divorced when I was 12. I learned to cook, clean house, and prepare dinner for when my mom came home from work. I didn’t know I had an older brother until I was 18. (Dad had five wives and 249 girlfriends (another story)). Due mostly to distance, we are not a close family. No animosity, just not close. That is what no communication did to us.

·        I'm independent. In my family, my Mother, Aunt, sister and I each went our own ways and did our own thing, so I had to learn independence early. I learned that if I didn't do something for myself, it wouldn't happen. One time a metamour planned a surprise party for me, and it is still one of the coolest things anyone has ever done for me. I take a great deal of pride in being capable and self-reliant, but, like most strong men, I secretly long to being taken care of, just a little.

·        I have abandonment issues. I'm aware of them and keep them in check, but I suspect they will always be there. On occasions when I was very young, and “misbehaved” my father would beat me. I won't bore you with all the stories; there are too many, and it gets kind of old.  After 30 years of marriage, I found my wife in bed with my best friend.

·        I had an intensely close maternal family, and I tend to be kind of awed by people who have good relationships with their relatives. I think that is why I like the idea of polyamory -- my family of birth isn't going to suddenly be all lovey dovey, so wouldn't it be cool if I could have a family of choice that was, just so I could have that experience? That would be nifty.

·        I learned from my parents to open doors and pull out chairs and things like that. I warm up/cool down the car, go out in the rain to bring it closer to the door. I will offer to open the door and carry the load, but if my date insists on doing it herself, no problem. I appreciate it when I open the car door for her to get in, then she reaches over and opens the door for me as I walk around (first sign of a keeper).

·        I also believe in letting a woman be self sufficient and independent as much as she desires. I know sometimes women want to be pampered, but sometimes they want to do for themselves. I don't want my date to think that I doubt or don't appreciate her capabilities or independence. I don't have the need to assert my manliness by doing everything every time, and am quite willing to share the load of life with my partner. A woman that, for no apparent reason, suddenly gives me a deep kiss is the second sign of a keeper.

·        A woman who can handle tools, check her car oil or build a fence. I find that sooooo attractive!!!    :o)

Summary: I am attracted to verbal intimacy (say what you are thinking), dancing on the bar (it’s an attitude), intellect, and enthusiasm. After all, we must remember to color outside the lines every now and then...